September 30, 2007

Ask Maria Anything: Judaism, Feminism

Filed under: Blogroll — mariahussain @ 2:43 pm

Q: I have just one question to you and to your new husband, the “one”.
Can you tell me in one sentence what the aim of judaism is ?

I use the pedagogic method of those famous Jews, one asking the other :
Can you tell, in the time I can stand on one foot, what judaism is ?

A: According to my understanding of Judaism, the core of Judaism is spiritual exile from God. The aim of Judaism the religion is to relieve the tormented feeling of distance from God through repentance and good deeds. There is a specific prayer that orthodox Jews say that goes something like, “Oh God, I deserve to die, but please save me.” My husband is taking the baby for a walk but I can call him on his cell phone and get his response.

He said there are two answers, one prescriptive and one descriptive. The sage Hillel was asked that question and his answer was, “Do not do unto others what you would not like done to yourself. The rest is commentary.” Gerhardt Sholom spent a lot of time studying that question and came to the conclusion that Judaism is whatever the Jewish community wants it to be, and this changes constantly. Joachim’s answer for what Judaism is today is that it is a combination of “Holocaust fixation, ethnic narcissism, and worship of the State of Israel.”

Q: You have stated, “Feminism is an anti-philosophy.” Meaning …?

A: It is a philosophy of rejection. It bases itself on what it rejects. Feminism is not a coherent strategy. It is not a spiritual path.

Q: You also define feminism as “a rejection of patriarchy.” Darn right. According to my dictionary, “patriarchy” means:

• a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it.

• a society or community organized in this way.

Who in their right minds would *want* such a system of society or government?

A: “Patriarchy,” in feminist usage not only rejects the idea that men are expected to provide financially for their families, but also rejects “God” and the entire prophetic tradition and replaces it with a pagan “Goddess.” Historically, there is no evidence that the worship of female deities has any correlation with the status and condition of women in society. Just as the huge billboards of sexy fashion models that you see in New York City might seem to imply a great sense of admiration and even worship for female images, but these images do not imply that there are no homeless or otherwise unfortunate women in that city.

In American society the two most obvious examples of matriarchal family structure are the Jewish and the African American. Jewish women actually have a long tradition of earning the money while their husband studies the Torah. However, it is not clear to me that this woman-headed society is leading us to peace on earth. In many African American families, grandmothers are the head of the family and watch the children so the mother can go out to work, but this is indicative of an incredibly high poverty rate. True gender equity necessitates the cooperative efforts of men and women in eradicating poverty, promoting health and education, and reducing infant mortality. These questions are not addressed by the narrow framework of voting rights and abortion rights. Instead of redefining “feminism” each time a new concern comes up, I have filed “feminism” under “reactionary movements of previous century.”

Q: You have stated, “Only belief in one’s personal honor prevents sexual exploitation.” What about a society’s norms of conduct? Should a society have no such thing as norms of conduct, such as forbidding discrimination, whether subtle or blatant?

A: A personal sense of honor and dignity enables us to uphold a code of conduct. A sense of honor creates resistance to discrimination. But a sense of honor must be learned. Parents must tell their children how valuable they are, that their honor is worth protecting with wise behavior; because a heartbreak you might experience at age 14 can handicap you emotionally and sometimes physically for over a decade. And then you just lost your childhood. By forming positive relationships with older people, a child doesn’t always have to learn from his mistakes. He can be helped to avoid making mistakes, so that he can grow up respecting himself and others. Our society is a very permissive, exploitative one. Only a strong sense of honor will help young people choose wisdom.



September 29, 2007

Ask Maria Anything

Filed under: Blogroll — mariahussain @ 4:36 pm

I have always wanted to do an advice column, and because people have emailed me so many questions it seemed like now is the time. Please use the comments form to send me questions about Islam and comparative religion, the Muslims, the Jews, western culture, personal advice. I invite everything and anything. I have no PhD; all I have are marriage certificates. My credentials are that I have been married to a Sunni Muslim, a Shia Muslim, and a Cohen whose family has been in this country (America) for three hundred years. I know all the secrets of the Muslims and all the secrets of the Jews. Some people say I’m a witch. Anything you need to know that I don’t know already I can find out because my current husband – Alhamdulillah I finally found “The One” – is the foremost expert of Yiddish and Hebrew linguistics in the Harvard community. I can find out anything you want to know about world history, and the history of religions and cultures, and tell you how Jewish communal organizations are set up and what they do. If anyone wants to know what we talked about at dinner last night, feel free to ask. That’s what I’m here for.

Here are a couple questions from an Islamic convert.

Q: How can someone in midlife adjust to all the requirements of Islam without burning out? (wudu, praying 5 times a day, times always changing, midlife body/ mind trying to endure the grueling fasting…)

A: I asked my eight year old son how he keeps doing the wudu and praying five times a day without getting tired. I asked him, “Do you do it even when I don’t tell you to?” and he said “Yeah.” So I asked him what makes him do it. “Allah?” he answered. “Just knowing that I have to. It doesn’t take that long. I don’t enjoy it but I don’t hate it either. It doesn’t take very long.”

Don’t stress out about the time. If you can’t get up before dawn, just pray fajr as soon as you wake up. Then keep track of the sun. After the sun has passed its zenith and is at about a 45 degree angle you can feel safe that it is Dhuhr. If you are busy, you can combine the Dhuhr and Asr prayer (meaning do four rakats and end the prayer, then do four more rakats) any time between afternoon and dusk. If the sun hit the horizon and the sky is changing color and you realized you forgot to do the afternoon prayers, according to one hadith you should not pray at that time because that is when sun-worshippers pray. Just wait until the sky changes to darker blue (not black) and make up the missed prayers along with Maghrib. If you didn’t get a chance to pray yet and the sky has now become dark, you can combine Maghrib and Isha and it’s not really considered late. This is a very useful thing to do in the summer if you are too tired to stay awake until Isha officially comes in. The Prophet (pbuh) said if you need to eat dinner then go and eat dinner and pray afterwards. You have all the way until dawn to pray Isha before it’s considered late. Don’t do any of the extra sunnah rakats if it stresses you out. Those are for people who want to get into a meditative state by repeating the prayers and kind of groove on it a while. If you can’t do the prayers yet, just do what part of Islam comes easy.

Allah said fasting is our prescription. That means it’s for our benefit. Allah doesn’t need us to fast. When we are finding it difficult to fast, it can clue us in on how we might be over-doing it in one way or another with our regular lifestyle. If you are getting sick, you don’t have to fast. If you are traveling more than a couple hours (I’d have to look up the exact distance) you don’t have to fast. If you miss a fast, you have to buy a hungry person breakfast and dinner for every fast you missed or donate the equivalent to charity. In America a missed fast costs $10 to expiate. You can choose the charity or just give it to a needy person you know.

There are things that we can do to make fasting more bearable. The worst hardships while fasting are:

CAFFEINE HEADACHE: Wake up before dawn, at least an hour before fajr and drink a pot of coffee. While you are still zinging from the coffee, do all the work that you have to do for the day that requires concentration in the beginning part of the day. Later on, take a nap if you can or do light tasks like errands or phone calls to keep yourself busy in the afternoon until the sun goes down.

DEHYDRATION (HEADACHE, CONSTIPATION): Wake up before dawn and drink four large glasses of water until you feel like a balloon. Eat fruit and legumes (foul, hommos, refried beans) for breakfast and when you break your fast. Keep in mind that if you go back to sleep, and then try to wake up, your tongue will feel very dry and you will suffer more thirst. Try to stay awake from pre-dawn until morning and take a nap in the afternoon if you are able to arrange your schedule.

FATIGUE: Getting up before dawn is hard, so if you can’t drag yourself out of bed, at least sit up in bed and drink a tall glass of water and try to force yourself to eat something, even a few bites. If you wake up later in the morning with a parched throat and you can’t stand it, you can take a shower to relieve some of the symptoms. Inhaling water mist inadvertantly during a shower or during wudu does not break the fast as long as you are not going out of your way to get water up your nose.

HYPOGLYCEMIA: Again, the trick is you have to wake up super-early and fill yourself with high cholesterol things like cream cheese and eggs as well as the legumes and the fruit. Have a trucker style breakfast and you won’t get hypoglycemic until late afternoon, at which point you should just take a nap.

Q: I feel like my old friends are drifting away or I’m drifting away from them. It’s hard without a support system and living in a foreign country is a radical solution. The culture gap is very big – lots of frustrations, language problem, feeling of isolation.

A: The spiritual journey is a hard journey and westerners who choose Islam face a double bind. Those who come to see the beauty in Islam despite all the prejudice in their culture against it, are usually loners, nonconformists, poets, or critical thinkers. People who are looking for more in life besides just filling their stomach. Muslim culture on the other hand is incredibly social and food-centered as well as conformist by nature. All that socializing is a lot of work, and even if you learn how to throw together a six course dinner for 27, you still could feel isolated because of cultural differences. If you have a “past,” and at midlife you certainly have one, being truly honest with anyone can sometimes alienate people rather than make friends, and sticking to small talk gets old fast. The solution: Do what’s easy for you. Only hang around people you enjoy hanging around, people who make you laugh. Make Islam a part of your life but don’t try too hard to fit in with people if you find it stressful. It is even more painful to feel like a foreigner in your own country, after you lose contact with old friends and family and find yourself surrounded by people who don’t understand you.

That is why I suggest to female converts to Islam to postpone putting on hijab until after marriage (if then). The stresses that go along with hijab include losing your job, getting disowned or at least humiliated by all your friends and family. While this would indicate they weren’t your real friends anyway, it can be dangerous to lose all social support without some alternate support system of people. Wearing hijab also creates the problem of being bombarded by marriage proposals. Just do whatever job or hobbies you’d be doing if you hadn’t converted to Islam and just do it with a deeper understanding in your heart. Don’t give away your dog or sell your violin and your CD collection. You can’t deprive yourself of everything you have ever known and loved and then expect complete strangers to fill the void. If you had a beer, no one wants to know. Go to the mosque and pray but don’t go there looking for your emotional needs to be filled. Don’t try too hard to do everything right. Be okay with yourself sins and all. Trying too hard and feeling guilty for your inadequacies are the biggest obstacles to being accepted in the Islamic community. Stay away from the nit-picking Rabbinical Muslims who are always trying to “fix” you or “fix you up” with a spouse. Talk to the ones you can smoke and swear around, if that is what you do. Keep your relationship with Allah between you and Allah and don’t wait for the day that Islamic culture can accomodate you. Stretch Islamic culture to include you and your culture.

September 28, 2007

To all the Jews I’ve loved before…

Filed under: Blogroll — mariahussain @ 10:30 pm

I received an amusing comment from a reader who goes by Naftali that I thought I’d share with you. My response follows.

You are one fucked up lady. Jewish men want you? Dream on. Hope there are no honor killings coming up in your family or friends any time soon, since this is a practice among Muslims. How about genital mutilation of your daughters? Oh, you dont do that, but many many Muslims do.

Have you read the book Infidel yet?

You can send this to all your homicidial jihadist friends.

The Palestinian homicide/suicide bombers from the
Islamic Jihad, Hamas, and Arafat’s/Haniyah terrorist
groups that blow themselves up are promised 72 virgins
when they reach heaven.

1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
3) If he’s gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he’s celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn’t reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
6) If he’s bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he’s ugly or smells bad and the virgins don’t want anything to do with him?
11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
12) Is there an age of consent?
13) When they’re deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they “born again”?
14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can theY strike if they’re not satisfied?
17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
18) What if the bomber’s into animals? Does he get accommodated?
19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?
21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?
23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
24) If he’s a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?
27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond’s home run record?
28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?
29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn’t go off?
30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?
31) If she’s a lesbian, do they “convert” the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?
32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
33) If so, are there 72 available?
34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?
35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?
36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?
37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?
39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine’s Day?
40) If he’s monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?
41) What if he doesn’t like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?
42) Eternity is long, and eventually he’ll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?
43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor’s virgins?
45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she’s unhappy?
47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks “Does this Burka make me look fat?”
48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn’t know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?
51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
54) Wouldn’t it be interesting if they’re virgins because they’re ugly?
55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?
56) Wouldn’t it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
58) When he gets home, does he have to say “How was your day?” to all 72 virgins?
59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?
63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?
65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
66) What if all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can’t put the bomber together again?
67) Is “not tonight, dear, I have a headache” a valid excuse in paradise?
68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?
69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?
70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you’re dead?
71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?

Dear Naftali,

You seem to be very excited by Islam. You have a lot of questions. There is a toll free number for that. 1-877-WHY-ISLAM

All religions have the concept of eternal rewards for sacrificing your life in the struggle of good against evil. For example, we have a lot of respect for Martin Luther King Jr. who was assassinated in our own country. The Quran speaks of “pure beings” who will “share bliss” with the blessed martyrs in paradise. It’s sexual perverts in the Orientalist tradition who read more into it.

Why do Muslims hate feminists?

Filed under: Islam, Women — mariahussain @ 4:25 pm

Feminism is connected to the developments of critical thinking in the period 1930 – 1980 in France, England, and many other countries throughout the world. But Western feminism died in the 80s. In the 1980s many women realized if we want to “worship the Goddess,” and be like the Mother Earth we have to celebrate our fertility, we have to be true to our souls. We didn’t want to hurt our bodies with pharmaceutical chemicals to prevent what was natural from occurring. We just wanted motherhood to be a happy, emotionally safe learning experience. We wanted committed partnerships. We wanted to be surrounded by people who love us, not just fight to survive in the rat race. We would rather marry a man who would pay all the bills because we can. Feminists have written that marriage is a form of prostitution and thus degrading, but not all women agree with that viewpoint.

As a heterosexual woman, I admit to feeling occasionally marginalized by “progressives” just over this one word, because all these men and lesbians are telling me what I’m supposed to believe about myself as a female. I’m totally cool with being a woman. I don’t view it as an oppression. The only thing, is I view the life transaction as a series of rights AND responsibilities.

The “feminist” label alienates many many women I know. Mainstream Muslim women are totally offended by feminists. When a German woman I know told an Iranian woman I know that she chose not to have children because she had too many emotional issues with her mother, the Iranian woman was so offended she would never speak to her again or look at her. “I love my children,” she insisted to me. “When they were babies and they fell asleep in my arms, I just held them and watched them sleep.”

Many of the Muslim American women you’ll find at the mosque view life as a competition to see who can have the most children. The ones who had a bad birth experience will typically avoid having more kids after that, but in those cases it is out of a sense of emotional trauma, not because they had planned or wanted to limit their reproduction. [A lot better education about how to have a safe and enjoyable birth needs to be made available to more women, including most American women.]

The idea of earning their own income would be something they’d resist, and would normally do so only if widowed, but even then would rather rely financially on a brother. Those who are college educated and earn a separate income still make their husbands pay all the bills. Some Muslim women stubbornly refuse to learn to drive a car in order to manipulate their husband into doing all the errands and grocery shopping. Another way they express their refusal to get a job is by putting on niqab (the face veil). They view this female chauvenist lifestyle as a right. In Muslim countries it’s the women not the men pushing the movement to dress like the Virgin Mary (for obvious reasons). The burqa is their way of saying to men, “You will NOT disrespect me.

One of the first things the US did after they set up their military bases in Pakistan was to push the media to publish images of semi-nude women. When western colonists try to convince Muslim women of their feminist ideology, the women view it as an imposition, and they protest against it with signs that say, “My hijab is my honor.” There are tens of thousands of Muslim women in America who feel this way. There are tens of millions of Christian, Jewish and secular women who agree with them on at least one point.

When I think of feminists, like most Muslims I have come across, we think of Zionist collaborators; Irshad Manji, Nonie Darwish, Ayan Hirsi, and these other neocon novelists who write ridiculous and uneducated anti-Islam “tell all” books that are so absurd that only a fool could take them seriously. These intellectual prostitutes are working for the group of people that includes Robert Spencer, David Horowitz, Charles Jacobs and all those racist clowns. Ayan Hirsi, an upper class Somali Muslim got elected into parliamentary office in the Netherlands by dumping on Muslims. Her willingness to fabricate entertaining stories for neocon audiences and tell them what they want to hear got her offered a job by the American Enterprise Institute.

When an Asian woman or an Arab woman or an African woman says she is a feminist, in the eyes of many many women and men I have known, it means to them that she has become westernized. Her brain has been colonized. She has made herself “non-scary” to liberals. She has sex without marriage. That is what “feminist” means to Muslims essentially. It’s almost an obscenity. Feminism is connected in their minds with the Oppressor class of Harvard educated ruling families that control so many countries in the world, embezzling money, drinking wine with white people, engaging in Freemasonry and planning their wars on the innocent. That is how they speak of them and how they think of them.

Western liberals need someone to “explain” Islam to them because they view Islamic society through an Orientalist lens that assumes that the Westerners are both intellectually and ethically superior to Easterners. They hear what they want to hear and show disrespect to the image that they have projected upon a person like Ahmedinejad. When he said, “In Iran we don’t have homosexuality like you,” he was mocked as having said, “In Iran we don’t have homosexuals.” Because of prejudice, Orientalists cannot respect the fact that in other cultures, open promiscuity, whether homosexual or heterosexual is simply not tolerated.

I might add that although the public hangings in Iran make westerners squeamish, especially when they are for sex crimes, what we have to understand is that Iran is a democracy. Rapists, sodomizers, hookers and smugglers get hanged because the public demands it. The leadership is doing what the majority of the population wants. If someone is a rapist or a murderer it is a financial drain on society to keep him locked up in prison, feeding and clothing him for the rest of his life. Execution is how Iranian society chooses to deal with those they feel are destroying the fabric of their society. It is not the result of a heartless dictatorship. Not to mention, Iran executes a lot fewer people than the United States.

I asked the gentle Iranian woman who loved her babies so much about the execution of Communists in Iran and she said without hesitation, like this was the mainstream point of view in Iran, “They should be killed. They are the enemies of God.”

I personally don’t quite understand it but crowds of people in more than one Muslim country will typically yell, “Kill him! Die! Die!” while watching a public hanging. For better or for worse, they vent their aggression at the criminals of their own society, instead of venting their aggression at competing ethnic groups or by bombing other countries like liberal westerners do.

September 26, 2007

Self-Hating Jews vs Ahmadinejad

Filed under: Blogroll — mariahussain @ 1:43 am

I signed my kids up for Arabic lessons recently and, having lived before in an orthodox Jewish town in New Jersey, I noticed something somewhat interesting. Arab mothers of young children weigh on average 20-30 pounds less than your average Jewish mother of young children and not only that, their posture is astonishingly better. In other words, Arab ladies are so much prettier and more self-confident than Jewish ladies in the same station of life. Not only that but their facial expressions are so much different. Orthodox Jewish women walk around not only slumped over, but scowling with a tense frown on their faces. They seem so discouraged, and seem to give off the vibe of being unloved and unwanted at home. All they do I suppose is wash dishes obsessive-compulsively and spend their Fridays ripping up pieces of toilet paper in preparation for the Sabbath, so life must be pretty dull in comparison to the Arabs who actually enjoy their weekends partying with their families and friends.

The other difference is the men. I was going through a divorce when I was living in New Jersey and although it may sound pathetic, I really enjoyed all the attention I got from the Jewish men. I guess with my 26 inch waist, and my upright posture I was a goddess compared to the orthodox Jewish ladies but the impression I got from the Jewish men’s response to my good looks was that all Jewish males are sexually available, whether or not they are married. They used to stop their cars just to watch me cross the street. By contrast, Arab men just seem like people. Freshly showered, nice guys, but not even thinking about “that.”

So, when people talk about self-hating Jews, who is self-hating? I can’t imagine that an overweight woman married to a man who so obviously wishes he could have a Muslim lady as a second wife could have a very positive outlook on life. Not to mention that Jewish men consider cheating on their wife with a non-Jewish lady to “not count” as adultery, not to mention how they lie to their wives as obsessive-compulsively as Jewish women wash their dishes. Suppressing all that guilt about Israeli violence against Palestinians must be a constant downer too. I think no one hates themselves as much as Zionist women so no wonder they are the most vicious people on the planet. I tend to blame all the problems in this world on Jewish women, since the men are doormats who obey their wives or at least pretend to obey their wives. But what’s new. There are more Jewish women marrying hot Palestinian men in “Israel” than there are marriages between Ashkenazim and Arab Jews. It’s over for the Zionist project.

So anyway, how about President Ahmedinejad’s speech at Columbia University? It was so awesome, what I saw on video, and what astonished me most was the warm, thundering applause after every comment he made. I didn’t know there were that many decent Americans out there. Everyone protesting outside was of course a psychotic Jew brainwashed by the David Project. But the thousands of people cheering for Ahmedinejad, who is like the new Bruce Springsteen, really made me feel better about this country. I would not be surprised if scores of people converted to Shia Islam as a result of his really great responses to the hostile questions (I did). He proved himself to be someone with not only great intelligence and wit but saint-like patience. It seemed to me that the Iranian President has more popular support in this country than our own mentally retarded President Bush.

But I was really shocked and disappointed when Congress the next day imposed harsher sanctions on Iran in contempt of the American people, and despite all the rational, intelligent, kind, and good-natured things the Iranian president said the day before.

But what do I expect. I did after all, watch the video of the kid who asked Kerry too many questions getting tasered by the cops. What are we going to do, you guys? There is nowhere to run. Even Europe is controlled by Zionist crazies controlling the media.

It occured to me that maybe what we need is a Swiss solution. Instead of allowing the police to become a hired paramilitary force terrorizing our neighborhoods along with the hoodlums, maybe we should do what the Swiss do. In Switzerland, every town has its own local militia which includes every adult male in the town, all of whom have a machine gun that was given to them for free by the Swiss Army. At the sound of an alarm, within minutes, the men are in position and ready to defend their town. Switzerland never invades other countries, so this hyper-militarism is purely in the interest of self-defense.

Not only that but every family is required to have a bomb shelter stocked with food in their basement and government representatives go door to door making sure that your basement shelter is up to Swiss standards. Given this level of preparedness it is no surprise that the Nazis never bothered trying to take over Switzerland, while the Swiss were hanging out in their bomb shelters eating their chocolate rations provided to them by the government. Maybe it’s time our country got a real government.

Last but not least, it’s Ramadan and most of us admittedly are completely inadequate in our observation but don’t forget the poor. Every act of charity makes a difference. I sponsored a Palestinian orphan some time ago and was astonished by the difference in his photo from one year to the next. When I first got his “annual report” he looked so painfully thin in the photo, but a year later I got a photo of him looking like a regular teenager. Thank God. Nowadays people in Gaza have to buy bottled water to survive, and that is really hard when you have no income. If you don’t know how to send money to Gaza let me know because it’s super easy and the fact is, if you are feeding your own kids on your credit card (like most Americans) you may as well pay for some poor orphan on your credit card as well. And don’t forget the world is not Palestine alone. You can save a child’s life in Africa for just $2. Can you believe that, for the cost of a single beer. So please, I know it’s not the solution for our political problems but the best we can do is keep those wonderful children alive until they grow up so they can take over the world and hopefully do a better job than these aging neocons. Within twenty years all those genocidal fanatics will be dead of natural causes. And what will be left will be hundreds of millions of confused young people. We have to help them survive until that day.

I’m crying now. I know this is not much of an essay but it’s the best I could do. Please, everyone, help the poor children hungry and terrified and alone in this world and save them from the Zionist selfish monsters that want to destroy everything because they know they are finished and they want to take us all down with them, but we can’t let them do that. We have to save this world. It might be a really long time until Jesus (pbuh) comes back. The world is not ending. The truth is much harder. WE have to make it work, we have to find a way to continue life on this planet into the next century and beyond so may God help us.

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