mariahussain

February 10, 2009

Maria on Domestic Abuse

Filed under: Islam, Marriage — mariahussain @ 12:20 am

Not to step on anyone’s toes but I must also point out that women are also the problem. Lack of self esteem in women more precisely. There are varying types of abuse: emotional abuse, emotional neglect, physical neglect, and physical abuse. A person is more able to tolerate that which she has been exposed to in her childhood. Each woman has to decide what she, personally, can tolerate and where is the line. If her husband crosses that line, she must pack up her things, take her kids, go somewhere safe, and contact a lawyer. Credit card checks come in handy until you can get a hold of your father. Don’t waste your time with “free legal advice” or “women’s empowerment organizations.” You need to get a lawyer and file for child support the day you leave. Go to priceline.com and bid for a hotel room at 1/3 the price. If God gives you the permission to leave (you must pray istikhara), you should go. If you don’t, you risk being guilty of not protecting your children from negative influences. It could only take one night with you gone for him to wake up. It is definitely worth a try, in order to save your marriage and family.

It doesn’t have to be physical abuse. If a mother is living in a situation where her husband disrespects or belittles her as a general attitude, the children will not be able to respect her and obey her and she will not be able to guide them. If she values her role as a mother on this earth, she needs to either firmly insist that her husband be “on her side” or else get out of there quick. She should trust Allah for the sustainence. You cannot allow anyone to disrespect you in front of your children. Your children are more important than your marriage. She can find another man who is not corrupt.

If a woman truly loves her husband, but he has some emotional maturity issues, she still has to separate from him from for the sake of the kids. Usually, within five years, a man will begin to miss his wife and realize what a schmuck he was. It can take time. But if she doesn’t go, then she’s giving him the permission to act that way and the children will not be raised in an emotionally secure atmosphere, and this will result in permanent damage.

It is totally possible for a single woman or a remarried woman to raise her kids in an emotionally secure environment. It’s just a matter of making that your priority.

The biggest fear is the fear of change. That is a lack of faith in Allah. Life is a journey and the secret to a long life is knowing when it’s time to go. In this day of global communication you can find a new husband within two weeks. I know women with diseases who are not even good looking who find new husbands. All you have to do is be available.

Even if you were to simply stand by the side of the road with your children asking for a ride from a stranger, I guarantee God is going to send you an angel to help you. This is your life and your soul. You can’t answer for him. The mother is responsible to protect the children and that includes not allowing them to witness her being diminished by others.

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